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tv   The Nightly Show With Larry Wilmore  Comedy Central  May 20, 2015 11:31pm-12:02am PDT

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just give me dentastix. the dog treat that's clinically proven to reduce tartar buildup. red by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh acces >> sugar, bumble bees, milk, cotton, polyblend pony hair, oatmeal, salt. i should probably also mention i'm a >> larry: tonightly, former patriots tightened aaron hernandez will spend life in prison. guys, i told you this play game was serious. a florida man makes a statement by landing a helicopter on the lawn of the u.s. capitol. and that statement is people from florida be
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cray-cray. plav plav also we're discussing conspiracy theories because we're trying to braem neil degrasse tyson's brain. (cheers and applause) >> larry: so put down the remote put on your tin foil hat this is the nightly show. (cheers and applause) captioning sponsored by comedy central --. >> larry: yes. thank you very much. thank you. welcome. >> . >> larry: thank you very much. welcome to the nightly show. i'm your host larry wilmore. (cheers and applause) >> larry: thank you very much. you're very kind. you're very kind. we've got to get to this. there are a few stories in the news i want to talk about.
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let's get to the biggest oning and by biggest i mean a six foot 1 murderer. >> former nfl star aaron hernandez was found guilty of verdict. the verdict came down moments ago. hernandez stood a couped of killing odin lloyd in 2013. >> larry: now the news of a guilty verdict came as somewhat of a shock seeing as normally there are no consequences when a patriot breaks the rules. hey don't hate the messenger. as for punishment he got a life sentence an if you think that's harsh if you add on the likely two-game nfl suspension whooo! suffah! suffah! (applause) right. so anyway, what was hernandez's reaction to the verdict? >> the former patriots tightened showed almost no emotion as the verdict was read except for a moment he appears to send a message directly to the jury mouthing these words. you're wrong.
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>> in all fairness he thought he heard not guilty. ease's just correcting them. the only reason i can think of because this guy i think he definitely did it. i mean he's got a pretty crazy track record. while he was a freshman at the university of florida hernandez broke a bouncer's eardrum over a disputed bar tab in a fight and was also a person of interest in the shooting of two men. but no charges were filed because, well you know university of florida. (laughter) hey, though you've got to respect hernandez he went to college to pursue and perfect his two craft football and murdering people. (laughter) give him credit. you got to give him credit. (applause) that's all i'm saying. so really it should come as no surprise that during the odin lloyd investigation investigators turned up even more murders that the former tight end lakely
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participated in. >> he is to stand for double murder in boston from a shooting in 2012 and being sued by a man who says aaron hernandez shot him in the face. >> damn, man! even whitey bulger is like slow your roll young fella. i'm the crazy-- craziest man to come out of boston. you know hernandez has a violent track record concerns me enough that you know i would actually like to do a public service announcement right here in the middle of the show. (laughter) hi i'm basic cable's larry wilmore. a recent study shows that over 90% of americans may have had a friend or relative murdered by aaron hernandez. so if you or someone you foe has been shot stabbed shifd box cutted ninja starred or choked out by aaron hernandez you're not alone. to share your stories and
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offer community support please visit www.aaron hernandez definitely did it no doubt about it i mean seriously look at the evidence.comeback/he's a deep level of evil but i bet belichick would take him back anyway. (cheers and applause) >> larry: thank you. together we can get through this-- wait did i say.com i meant.org. .com apparently was already taken. >> by the way,. >> the u.s. capitol had a brief security scare today when a gyrocopter landed on the west lawn. >> larry: that's right. it lacks like once again it's time for our segment what does the pilot of this wacky gyro copter that just landed on the capitol mall want?
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>> larry: that was really worth the wait isn't it? so what did he want? >> the purpose of it was to call attention to the united states concerning our campaign-finance laws. (laughter) >> larry: okay see this is how ridiculous people have gotten am they actually think that doing stupid stunts like this is the way to have serious political conversations hey man just because you landed your stupid gyro copter on the capitol lawn, that is to the going to make people talk about campaign finance dumb dumb. >> you got a point to make about campaign-finance reform. >> campaign-finance reform. >> campaign finance issues. >> campaign-finance reform. >> campaign-finance reform. >> larry: oh. (laughter) actually worked. okay, let me see if i understand this. a guy crashes his gyrocopter and people pay attention to his issue.
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and black people all this time we've been marching? is there no brother that has a gyro copter out there? seriously. (applause) an good for you gyrocopter guy nice jedi mind trick. pretty good. by the way which actually brings us to this. >> chewie we're home. (cheers and applause) i can't take it! i can't take it! i'm so pumped to watch disney's newest toy commercial, i can't take it. no but really, i am really excited. oh, man i do have some
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questions like okay chewie doesn't age? chew-year is looking exactly the same really makes harrison ford seem that much older, i'm sorry. i mean at this point shouldn't chewie look like this? (laughter) a comb over comb over. now of course george lucas didn't direct there star wars and it might be because he's too busy taking revenge on his neighbors. >> three years ago star wars creator george lucas ran into a buzz saw of opposition from his wealthy rural marin neighbors when he tried to expand his skywalker ranch studio. >> larry: so what is lucas building instead hmmmm? what would strike the most fear into the hearts of those 1 percent of northern california types. please be a sarlacc pit please be a sarlacc pit a wampa cave would be good too. >> one of the bay area's biggest affordable housing
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projects could be coming to a place where it might be least expected. >> we got enough millionaires here. housing for millionaires here but we need some housing for regular working people. >> larry: oh snap. (applause) oh! it's worse than the deathstar baby. it's housing for poors those rich people think that lucas is going to turn their own personal forest of hindor into the isley space fork holda! you will never find a more wretched life of scum. and rapidly dropping property values. but seriously this is awesome. good for you george. you know. and you know what, i say yeah it's fine, i think it's great. that's great. good for you. it's really great.
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and by the way all is forgiven now for episode one through three. jar jar endless trade route negotiation yoda back flip all of it. but hans still first we'll be right back.
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(cheers and applause) >> larry: okay welcome back to our show the panelist comedian and host conspiracy pod cast deep inside the rabbit hole mike canon. he's the head writer on the nightly show with larry wilmore our very own robin thede. and america's favourite astrophysicist an host of the new show premiering on national geographic monday night at 11 p.m. come on neil degrasse tyson. (cheers and applause) right. okay.
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now that's great man that's great. got his own talk show. no that's okay, that's okay. now tonight we have a little fun because we have the greatest scientific mind of the world at the table and also neil degrass tyson. it's a joke. >> i got it i got it. >> so i thought it would be fun if we discussed conspiracy theories. a lot of people believe them. i know you guys believe some of this stuff. >> everybody believes a little bit. and so you know it's funny. >> some people don't believe it at all. >> but not anybody believes a little bit. >> well, we'll see. we'll see cuz once you get into it you would be surprised it just start making, you know we'll get to that neil degrasse. so but it's funny, there was a time that i actually believed a lot of crazy conspiracies. i had this talk show back in the '70s. it was-- you know i kind of addressed some of this stuff you know what let's just show a clip because i can't remember what i said.
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>> you know who build the pyramids hades. yup i know my cousin injury-- aliens my cousin jor only was abducted by one. i know the government has many conspiracies against black people, the one place where they don't is drugs. you know, in fact, there is this miracle drug coming out i will give you a trip right now, it's called crack. in four or five years this is going to change everything. that's the one place where the government is not involved in at all is crack. right? i dated a lizard chick once i did. right when i got there she was like you know shedding all that skin. she had a tail. it was disgusting. we still dated though. so i'm just saying i'm just saying i believe that. okay but let's start with the first one. is this true. some people believe there was not a moon landing that we did not go to the moon.
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i'm a believe there was a moon landing mike? >> yeah but i think the videos are fake. the set t was so lazy. i could have filmed that in my apartment with gray sheets. >> larry: wait, so how could they not-- where did the video come from? >> i don't know just somebody's handheld camcorder. >> larry: were they like on a set or something. >> i think so right. >> larry: neil degrasse please debunk that. >> are you trying to just blow my mine out of-- . >> larry: no. >> so you can look at the saturn 5 rocket which got us to the moon and back. and calculate how much fuel is in there and watch this thing take off and ask yourself where the hell do you think this thing is going. there's enough fuel to get you to the moon and stuff left over to come back. it's not just going down to the grocery store. it is a saturn 5 rocket it's a saturn 5 it's a saturn 5. one nozzle -- >> okay saturn 5 rocket is the size of this table and it's five of them and it's
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33 stories tall and you're going to say it went nowhere. >> no, it went. >> no, it went there. it went. >> okay. >> wait, wait wait so it consequent there. >> yes. >> but faked the video footage while they were there. what sense does that make. >> because it came out poorly. it was a bad first take. >> okay, here's what some people are saying that-- this makes me laugh. that the flag they flag that was waving do we have a shot of that you've seen this right. there is the flag. and they said there is no wind on the moon. how come flacks wave. >> see somebody said ooh see? see? >> no no. >> timely produced. >> explain flag waving. >> flag waving in that particular case since there is no air on the moon anything set into motion because they set up the flag and he's holding it and then let go. the flag whips back an forth and it doesn't slow down becauses there's no air to slow it down. >> nice nice. >> this is how it works.
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>> nice. >> okay? >> larry: conspiracy people, listen. >> every single youtube video i watched disproved all of that. i think the only thing that that proves is that america is amazing. our flags will wave wherever they are. >> usa! usa! usa! >> wait wait wait. >> larry: roswell, apparently people say there is a crash in roswell back in 1947. you have alien bodies and stuff like that and some people actually do believe in alien life. >> i hope that there are aliens because i would like to widen my dating pool. so for me-- . >> larry: from our planets. >> oh absolutely. i don't discriminate. the problem i'm just not their type. i have all my teeth and i don't do bust stuff. >> larry: what is that? why are they always so interested in bus stuff. you would think after probing 50 swelty hill billies they would move on. >> neil degrasse, let me ask
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you directly i want a scientific answer. do aliens exist and why are they so into buted stuff. >> no no, there are surely aliens elsewhere in the vast. >> . >> larry: . >> larry: you believe. >> it is not a matter of believe. the universe is vast it's been around a long time. we are not made of special ingredients. our ingredients are anywhere in the university it would be ego centric to suggest that we are alone in the cosmos. >> larry: right i believe. >> that is a separate statement from saying that we have been visited by aliens giving a rectal exam. it's a completely different statement. and i think-- . >> larry: i think those two statements are exactly the same. i don't find any difference in the statements. >> i worried that we have been visited by aliens but they sort of accidentally landed in san diego during comic conand nobody noticed because they are just walking up and down. and you know so. >> larry: okay, also give me your scientific reason why do you think brothers don't see ufos.
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>> it's an interesting fact. yeah, yeah they don't-- . >> larry: my theory is we have a block against ships that might take us -- >> yeah yeah. >> larry: i think we have a block, right. i think it's a block. >> absolutely. >> larry: i'm just saying. >> that hadn't occurred to me that-- well it's just most black folk live in cities and aliens have this shall did --. >> larry: i love there is a scientific reason. >> but wait a minute. most of the united states live in densely populated cities. and aliens that visit us tend to be shy and only visit places where there are hardly any people. that minimize the eye witnesses who can account for it so this is how you get the statistics of black folk not seeing aliens. >> larry: all right very good. i have one more conspiracy theory to discuss with you guys. we'll be right back and we'll get to that. (cheers and applause) right now, verizon is offering unlimited talk and text. plus 10 gigs of shareable data. yeah, 10 gigantic gigs. for $80 a month. and $15 per line.
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ male announcer ] give extra. get extra. >> larry: okay welcome back. we're talking about conspiracy theories. here is my favorite unwith. this is a true con circee. i'm not making this up. that we saw about 12.5 million people actually believe this one. >> that made it true. >> larry: yeah that stevie wonder the revered musical legend you heard this is in fact not blind. conspiracies. >> absolutely. >> you think that's true. >> oh listen absolutely. i think stevie wonder absolutely has some sight i do. >> some sight. >> i think he can see some things. there's proof. and listen, i'm not talking bad about blind people. i can't imagine what it is
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like to be blind. i am just saying stevie wonder can't either. >> larry: do you think he's blind. you think he's making it up. >> of course i think he's blind. people bring up the point that he keeps trading in wifes for younger wives. >> oh, he can see he can see. >> no he has extra sense ories, can feel them. >> i have to show this. this is now neil before you give me your answer, you have to see this because i think i know what you were going to say. hes with at a concert a charity thing paul mccartney. he walks in front of stevie wonder hits like a mike stand and watch what happens. stevie grabbed the mike stand, all right. >> yeah, he did. >> larry: show it again slow it down. there he goes paul mccartney-- stevie grabs it right there. it's not herby hancock grabbing it. now i think stevie's blind all right.
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but what is up with that? >> he has echo location basically-- he's basically a bat. >> i think he has some sight. the songs he writes are way too-- he. >> larry: he has imagination. >> i can't visualize a ribbon in a sky and i can see. >> maybe maybe. >> okay is this our moment. >> break it down. are we seeing eye-to-eye. >> maybe, there are certain things that only become visible to you to your heart to your mind to your soul by the acts of not laying sight upon them. >> larry: we cannot top that ladies and gentlemen. that solves every single conspiracy theory. we'll be right back. (cheers and applause) >> i went to a stevie wonder concert about eight years ago 1968.
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fingertip, i thought he should be singing i live because he can see that's all i'm saying. he dropped his harmonica he picked it up. i wanted to kik it and see if he picked it up then. if i had been s the world is constantly being refreshed. we flip it. we spin it. we own it. we live it. ♪ that's not how we planned it that's just how it flows.
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>> larry: that's what i'm talk being. >> okay. >> larry: yes, baby. >> but for us to complete it-- . >> larry: u oh. >> but if you want to be complete all these globes should be flipped over as well. >> larry: oh great. he's just going to keep talking about this. that's good. we have chrissy teigen on monday. good nightly everyone >> chris: it's 11:59 and 59 seconds, this happened on youtube today. >> welp, it's 4/20 and businesses are bending over bongwards to appeal the potheads who don't have any money because they spent it all on pot. marijuana legalization has turned

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